Simple Ideas on Love and Pain

by R. Skotarczyk

It’s up to us to decide what is pain,

And what is giving the best we can.

I learned that today in yoga. Two months ago that truism may not have struck me as profound, but today it did.

Maybe because I drove to class thinking about pain. About how when we love someone, really love someone, we never want to hurt them – but sometimes we do.

Why do we transfer pain? Can pain generate on its own like rogue cellular mutations? Is it planetary friction that sparks a fight in us? Is it because we harbor fear? What is it we fear? What is the root of the insecurity?

We transfer pain when we feel pain because we feel fear, because of some ecological friction that’s cosmically ordained like moon tides, because it’s time for growth.

The volley of pain is unavoidable. The transition between stagnation and growth is uncomfortable. Again, it’s up to us to decide what is pain, and what is giving the best we can.

Growing is friction – on the emotions, on the bones. Like a sprout from a seed feels friction when it meets the dirt. It is not easy. Birth. Birth is growth. Birthing is pain, but we give it the best we can or there would be no birth, no growth.

In my yoga practice, I’ve felt this most tangibly, learning to sense when my body is close to injury, vs. meeting a challenge; when to push it, and when to hold back.

As physical life mirrors the emotional, the spiritual, and every other “-al”, I can say with certainty that I al-ways feel better about myself and my place in this human ecology when I challenge myself – when I decide, within milliseconds, what is necessary for progress, and that challenging my place, my purpose, recognizing the need for growth sometimes means I challenge the people closest to me. We’re all in this together. Either we evolve or get left behind.

Applying that to matters of the heart means that sometimes people hurt, and sometimes people get left behind. But sometimes the evolution happens simultaneously and love grows, and people come closer together.

The whole point is recognizing when you feel pain, when you are causing pain, actual pain, or if you are doing the best you can -giving your best for them, for you, for all, even if it doesn’t seem like it in the moment. It’s all about intentions. Make sure they are good ones.

Give your best. Pain is part of it, but the end result should always bring us closer to love and wellness.

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