RSKdetroit

am writing

Tag: divination

Past, Present, Future of Rai.

IMG_1240

Arguably, the most prolific time I had as a songwriter was in 2008 when I moved to Aberdeen, Scotland. I’d gone there to escape from Los Angeles, I’d gone there to discover myself, I’d gone there to work on a vocal/techno project. That project became a battle of the wits, split by creative differences and divergent temperaments. The experience threw me back inside myself. Desperately needing an outlet for my emotions, my Scottish born musical partner made a handful of phone calls to find me a borrowed, broken guitar. It was on that guitar, and in those moments after techno, and wandering the streets of Aberdeen, that I wrote most of the songs that appear on youtube.

 

I often wonder if it was the energy in Aberdeen or the combination of circumstances that led to such a creative outburst. Nevertheless, none of the songs were ever recorded in any other way. I can remember how to play only a few.

As far back as 2004 I was at odds with the songwriter in me, convincing myself that I wasn’t talented, torturing myself through every spell of writer’s block and then, like the clouds parting, every few years would bring a prolific fit of writing after which I’d be standing at the crossroads wondering why I did it, if it was any good, and if it meant I was truly meant to pursue a career in music.

There’s not many who understand the violence of creation – the overflowing love felt while writing and sharing, followed by the dark, deep depletion after the process is through.  The curious part, and most perplexing, is that only in acoustic songwriting did the violence turn to self-destruction.

 

I would argue that I pour just as much of my soul into my long-hand writing, but never have I ventured to masochism after posting a short story, poem, or blog post.

It’s said, music is the soul of the divine. The expression of which taps into god energy, is akin to a religious experience. Acoustic songwriting brought me to that cathartic state, taught me how to get closer to my emotions, to be more comfortable expressing my truths – truths that I continue to explore.

Songwriting seems, for me, to have been a means to an end, and end which I’ve journeyed to fill with spirituality and mysticism in all its forms- the bottom of a purpose I may never find, if not to have found the digging was all I was ever meant to do.

Picking up my guitar and playing for myself or for others still carries that purifying sensation, a highly medicated healing energy even when the song is sad. That’s the part about it I love. The part I hate is that it’s also a quick way to self-loathing and destructive behavior.

Songwriting provokes the dark sides of my nature. Trying to live in the light while giving breathe to darkness is uncomfortable, to say the least.

Maybe it’s that I’ve never reached a place where the songs stopped helping me. Maybe I’m still a novice in the world of helper and healer and need much, much more personal work before I can use these tools to help other people. Maybe I’ve never been great at nurturing the extroverted version of myself. Whatever the case, I’ll listen to the lot of you who care tell me that I shouldn’t stop, that my songs mean much to you.

I guess what I’d say to you is, I’m looking for ways to help and heal that don’t take so much out of me.

All I ever wanted was to understand the inner workings of the world enough to make some sense of the human ecology. With that knowledge, I endeavor to help, heal, and spread love.

So, what do I wish the reader to understand from this post? Allow me to shuffle the cards…

Processed with VSCO with b5 preset

Three cards: past, present, future.

The Moon can represent a lot of things but here it’s strongly showing the past. The uncertainty of the past is leaving. In the present, the Three of Wands, of which also represents the past, present, and future symbolized by the fact that there are 3 wands. The progression of the vine on the wands helps show this. The figures’ hand is on the newest staff- the future- and he’s got a firm grip on it, a clear sight of what he wants. Those ships in the distance? That’s the goal, and to get there he will use the wisdom embedded in these three staffs, these experiences. The figure isn’t merely waiting, he’s been preparing for this.

In the future comes the careful, meticulous, firm, earthly, dependable, Knight of Coins – one of my favorite Knights because while he may be slow, he’s practical and what he brings is usually something lasting. Like a matured idea, a new business adventure, a turn in career maybe, even someone trustworthy who will help on the journey. Could even mean a venture back to school to further studies in a certain area… whatever the case, the Knight of Coins brings a good, useful, well earned opportunity.

So to the future, I’ve got ideas in my head. Debating if I’m ready to start doing tarot readings or something. There’s a healer in my heart. I’m working on letting her speak.

Talk soon.

 

 

The beginning is the end is the beginning

Ace of Pentacles

This is a blog about my process, my writing, my journey. A journey that’s been wrapped up in music since that long ago day I befriended the poetry of words; words that are so musical and magical to me that I can’t do without them.

My words, my music, and the very fiber of my being have always been guided by a fascination with the stars, the planets, and metaphysical whispers.

In an effort to think of what I could offer a daily blog, how I could share my process, what exactly my process is, I thought of divination. For years, I’ve sought wisdom through astrology, consulted the tarot, and have had many a conversation with the ICHING. These are just things I do. Have I gotten skilled enough to share what I’ve learned? Not exactly, though I have given a few tarot readings to close friends and family and they seemed satisfied. Mainly, I do it for me, a restless spirit always searching, always listening, looking and asking for guidance. I tell my very skeptical family that Spirit is math, just like anything else. It can be measured and weighed in the medium in which it’s revealed. Spirit is an intricate equation that we all tap into, add to, subtract from, transmit and absorb.

Astrology might be the only map one needs to make educated decisions, but other forms of divination like Tarot and ICHING speak to a more fine-tuned need for guidance. Questions like – Where should I go with the next chapter? What is my major conflict? How should the story end? For many of these questions, divination is my guide. It’s something I do to feel grounded; to keep on track. Everyone has their method. I take bike rides, too. Exercise is a form of divination. Exercise could be seen as a practice in becoming one with the divine; to perfect the body, to become powerful,  thereby becoming god-like. But more than the physicality of it, exercise conjures hidden thoughts and ideas. Any form of exercise loosens something in the mind; opens channels more equipt to translate the ethereal.

My writing process is weighted in deep introspection and careful wordplay imbued with the immensity of my feeling. What I put out into the world means a great deal to me and “daily” anything seems… an after thought, frivolous, exhausting. It is exhausting. In the past, I’ve tried this before and exhausted myself with myself. Truth be told, I still have a book to write. Why am I wasting my time and energy on a blog? Modern day publishing is the real answer; the need to have an online presence. But there is something about pushing oneself to share, daily. There is value. Typing this first post does, in a small way, makes the journey more real, less inside my head. I have shared it, therefore, it is fact.

How fitting then, for me to draw this first card for this first post, the Ace of Pentacles.

First a word about Aces in a reading: “The Ace is the dominant type of card and pulsates its energy over the whole reading. While most cards tell your story of when their impact was felt, is being felt or will be felt in the future, any Ace describes the whole story and is present in each chapter.” keen.com

While the Ace of Pentacles has a variety of dynamics, pertaining to this post one the resonates with me the most is that it is a card of results. Pentacles represent the earth, money matters, things that ground you, can stagnate or stabilize. It is a powerful card that asks to mediate on your roots, “firmly plant yourself back on your path in order to see your result realized as you desire… what you are ultimately attaining.” auntyflo.com

It is a card that begs you to focus on the foundation, keep a schedule, generate results. This can carry over to health, business, love. In this case, I think of this blog, this book I’m writing. There is a definite need for a schedule, a focused effort to stay on task. If I can do that, I will finish. The Ace of Pentacles assures that- that there is the energy there to finish. The Ace of Pentacles is a new beginning or at least a refreshed approach. It reminds me that this is a productive period, saving for the future, good fortune. It represents stamina, dedication, and hard work. While all these things come hard for me, the Ace of Pentacles is here to tell me it’s not impossible, it just takes a bit of effort.

With that, here is a bit of music I’ve been listening to while writing. Chroma Bay, a trio from London. What I like about them is that this is their first released track and fits in great with the energy of the Ace of Pentacles. A great reminder that whatever we dream, it certainly may seem impossible, but with a little love, a little hope, a lot of effort and a little magic, amazing things can come of it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

%d bloggers like this: