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Tag: inspiration

Independence Within Mom-hood, some thoughts.

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May 12th 2019 was my first mother’s day. I’m not terribly into traditions, but it’s fun to recognize that, yes, I am now a mom. When my husband asked if I had a good first mother’s day, I searched my feels for a sentiment that simply didn’t exist, my face twisting in a silly sort of grimace-smile.

“Do you even care about mother’s day?” he asked.

“No,” I said, adding, “every day has been a good first mother’s day.”

Cheesy, I know, but it’s true.

Granted there are days I get tired of washing poopy diapers, but it’s not the diapers, it’s the being tied to routines that tend to drag me down. There’s security in routines, something grounding that I crave, but I’d like to try and make a new routine figuring out how to wash those diapers on the road. Big changes, slow living. That’s what I like. I’ll always need to break out, once in a while, and lately I’ve been reminding husband that if we don’t van-life soon I might crack, but he knows, and knowing him, he probably feels the exact same.

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There are side-effects of mom-hood that are a bit bothersome. Like, when my back aches from leaning over the little one, her body propped on my knee, practicing our elimination communication, while I make “pssssss…. pssss…. psssss” noises until she goes to the bathroom. Or waking up with a numb hand every morning because holding baby has given me carpel tunnel. That time I got a clogged milk duct was really unpleasant, and… uhg!… **wipes milk off screen**…. I don’t enjoy when baby knocks the pump off the other boob and sticky milk goes flying everywhere, but all these things are temporary, and had I not just wrote them down here I might have forgot they ever plagued me.

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Being a mom isn’t easy for everyone. The new schedule can be quite demanding. Especially if you’re cloth diapering, breastfeeding, and practicing elimination communication, all while keeping baby happy, stimulated, and rested in between. This is my job, being a parent. I do it full time.

Hobbies and habits before baby take back seat, and there are days this makes me feel trapped, especially when the sun is warm and abundant, and cyclist after cyclist breeze past my window. I ache for the freedom to jump on my bike and ride for a few hours, or ride at any hour… especially at dusk… so magic…. but… those days will come again, and for now I have the indoor trainer, and well, at least I get to watch the latest episode of Sabrina while I ride, naked baby jiggling in my arms all the while.

In truth, the only days I’ve had a problem with being a mom is when I’m fighting to mold baby to my schedule and not being fluid enough to mesh with hers. Because when I do relax and just let the day be about baby with the chance that I may have time for other things, I free my shoulders from the pressure of not being able to do it all. As it happens, there’s usually time for hobbies, I just need to be a little more creative, a little more efficient, and a little more patient with the process.

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Yea… everyday is a good mother’s day because for every boring day there’s a challenging one to back it up. The combination of boring and challenging is interesting. Being a mom, is interesting. There’s also no getting away from the fact that I’m a mom now. I’m happy that I’m happy in my new skin.

After all, it was getting tiring carrying on the cool kid act. At 34, I was failing, had failed? Whatever. At some point in that last year, all I wanted to do was play normal and start a family. But I’m still trying to figure out this new me with my new priorities in the context of my voice, my independence, my creative expression. Those things can so easily get left behind in the routines, in family duties, if I’m not diligent about keeping them around.

Sitting here, typing my thoughts is my place to be alone, to enjoy my solitude, to hear my voice, and to digest my feelings. It’s important to maintain this independence. It’s so, so, so easy to get lost in the commotion of mom-hood, family stuff, and I don’t want to look back in 10 years and think, “man, why did I ever stop writing, sharing, creating.” We needn’t sacrifice our souls for our children. On the contrary, my daughter will need me to have a strong one. And when the time comes, she’ll need me to speak my truth, be my truth like a person who knows themselves – to share this with her so she can learn how to know herself, too. She’ll need me to show her, when she feels alone, or restless, uninspired, or sad; trapped, silenced, or frustrated, firstly, that, “aloneness” is the most sacred space of all – it’s here that we can truly be ourselves, and once we’ve created this permanent safe space to be ourselves, we can find new ways to express all those emotions, all those feels, and that all those feels are avenues to new forms of creation. She’ll need that.

Anyway, here’s to mother’s day, which is really celebrating that you have a baby day, which is every day – and isn’t it amazing.

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Becoming “Mom”, a preface.

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You know you’ve settled into mom-hood when your outfits revolve around cleverly camouflaged milk stained tank tops. When, like me, you may have graduated to taking your coffee with breastfeeding. And, to the minor horror of on lookers, you’ve got into the habit of picking baby up like a big kid. You’re not as careful with that floppy head as you were 7 weeks prior. Not because you are a cruel and brutish person, but because, by now, you know your baby. You know that little neck has more strength than they assume… granted, less strength than you assume, but… point is, you’re pretty comfortable with what your baby can and can’t handle, which is GREAT because those new baby jitters paired with clumsy hands and the feeling like their tiny bodies are made of jelly filled rice paper was mad stressful. She won’t ooze all over the place, her head WON’T fall off, her fingers will not break when touched – truth.

Likewise, you’ve stopped gingerly dabbing her bottom. Now, you full on scrub and polish that cute butt to a silky sheen. Doubling your enjoyment, at nearly 2 months baby has stopped screaming her head off with every diaper change. She may scream about other things, more ambiguous things like whether or not your boobs produce milk exactly to her liking, but you’ve stopped crying along with her when said screaming occurs. Besides, that screaming isn’t all that bad anyway, keeps you on your toes. Anxiety may still threaten, but to a way lesser degree. After all, our generation is pretty lucky, answers and reassurance are only a click away – why does baby shoot poop when sneeze…” Chances are, all your worries, all your questions, are totally normal baby things.

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Speaking of baby things, writing has become a luxury these days, and duty calls, it’s calling from the living room – her name is Finn Lee Marchwinski, born February 27th at 3:31 am. (for my fellow natal chart nerds she’s Sagittarius rising, Pisces Sun, and Sagittarius moon. Saturn, Venus, and Pluto are in her first house – the house of identity. Her midheaven is in Libra.). She’s 2 months old, 2 feet long, and weighs 11lbs 4 oz. She’s irresistibly cute, has the prettiest eyes, and presence enough to captivate a room. She is, in every way, shape, and form, the best gift that’s ever happened into my life next to my best friend/ husband, Daniel.

I have so much more to say about her, and life, parenting, and oh… still need to record my labor story… but… I’ll get there. If I don’t post this now, I never will.

Until next blog! – R

What is Esotarot Earth?

If any of you are wondering what I’ve been doing with all my time, here are some words about a place I have created, Esotarot Earth, what it is, what it isn’t, and why I’m doing it. With love.

While I’m still building the Esotarot Earth site and how it should function, I’m placing this bit of writing here because I haven’t been here in a while, and wasn’t sure how to merge these avenues of expression. Please follow me on facebook at Esotarot Earth. That is where I have been placing all my writing bits, and that is where this one has been copies from.

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Let me start by saying what Esotarot Earth is NOT. We are not astrologists. Though half our library is Astrology books and we believe a solid understanding of it is not only helpful to an individual, but necessary when communicating any esoteric practice, our Astrology understanding at this stage is limited in that we won’t be giving advice in Astrological terms but using it as a tool to further strengthen the message. Right now, July 5th 2018, there are 5 planets retrograde – Jupiter, Saturn, Mars, Pluto, and Neptune. Top that with one major asteroid, Chiron, and that’s 6 cosmic bodies currently in retrograde.

Books upon books we have that tell us what that means, but at the end of the day, what does it mean really? What it means to him or her, them or they will be different. The ones that fair best through any challenge are the ones that rely on intuitive functions. You will all go about your days, retrogrades or not. You will grow, you will digress, you will change or you will stagnate, wither, blossom, in sadness and in joy interchangeably, always, each according to their being.

Here on ET Earth we know this, as we are the same, and while the message we bring is rooted in facts, the delivery is wholly intuitive. But as far as retrograde go, this quote from Erin Sullivan’s book ‘Retrograde Planets’ will get you far,

“The degree of discord in personal life during retrogrades signifies the distance form one’s core values and high-creative inspiration.”

Retrogrades force us to take a second, third and fourth look, not on the outside, but internally. Knowing there are 6 astral bodies asking us to take an inside look, regardless of their functions, tells us that this period will either be wrought with inner conflict if we are on the wrong path, if we are on the right one – fairly smooth yet solemnly focused on the details of intention, or a combination of both if we, like most, find ourselves in between. The point is we’re all trying to define who we are NOW, what we are NOW, where we want to be, and when we are in our truth. We all want to get down to the bottom of what constitutes our happiness.

Which brings me back to ET Earth and what we ARE. Our purpose lies in the heart of those searching. We’ve taken great pains to arrive at this point, a risk that seemed worth taking, – a point at which we feel confident – more so compelled – to communicate aspects of the collective unconscious through the ways in which feel comfortable (tarot, and numerology) “We”, because it is not just one mind that has brought us here, but many. My fingers, my words, my being, just a conduit of this vast mystery I’m pleased to be a part of.

On my personal journey, this is where I stand – having created ET Earth, and like a new mother, I’m not exactly sure where it will go, what it will become, how I should mold it, or how much I should just let it be – just, Be.

Like many of you, I’ve long held my favorite astrologers, tarot readers, and the like. The pressures of all the people already in these fields on Youtube and Instagram, doing it and doing it well, can make one not want to begin at all. I spent decades as a singer songwriter battling the same forces, succumbing to the same fears. Like most, I go in and out of doubt; I hold high, and then bury my faith in myself. But the individuation process continues, and the work is never done. My life is my work of art, it is Esotarot Earth, the opus of a metaphysical geek.

As Richard Roberts states in ‘Tarot Revelations’, “In Hermetic philosophy, the work and life merge, the artist or alchemist being part of – and inseparable from – the process.”

Let my personal story demonstrate what this message is about – what eggs you on? What is the the thing that make you excited to keep going, despite challenges? What is your art?

Which leads me right into the energy of the day, and what a roll of the dice revealed: The energy: 17 (associated with The Star), the nuance: 6 (associated with the lovers) and the oracle card, “She Tames By Laying Down The Staff and Rope”. So here is our message:

Align with your higher nature, have faith in the divine. Within these cards we are shown the unity of the high and lower in a divine capacity (17, The Star) preparing the soul for flight, and as depicted in 6, The Lovers, “The male or the conscious mind, looks to the female, or subconscious mind, which in turn gazed up at the angel, or the super-conscious.”

With The Star showing itself, your wish is at the threshold of materializing, but it takes faith. As the oracle states, let down the rope and staff, we have reached a point in the physical world where we can go no further, it’s now the work of the spiritual realm, so have faith, feed your goals with faith, and meditate. Let life do the hard lifting, while you look inward, as the retrogrades ask, and make space for the shadow inside you as well as the light. Understand them and let them be one, fore “Reality resides only in the synthesis of opposites.”

Whether you are male or female, experience the polarity of the anima and animus within. The male principle has pushed us this far, gained us this much, now call on the feminine, internalize, magnetize the forces so that the goal can take form. Surrender and invite these mysterious aspects of yourself to merge, with love, connect to your higher and lower self. Soften your approach, let go of the job, identity, habit or lifestyle you thought defined you. Don’t be afraid to empty, to look deeper. Ask yourself where you feel discord, and seek the answer within. Illumination is right around the corner.

Simple Ideas on Love and Pain

It’s up to us to decide what is pain,

And what is giving the best we can.

I learned that today in yoga. Two months ago that truism may not have struck me as profound, but today it did.

Maybe because I drove to class thinking about pain. About how when we love someone, really love someone, we never want to hurt them – but sometimes we do.

Why do we transfer pain? Can pain generate on its own like rogue cellular mutations? Is it planetary friction that sparks a fight in us? Is it because we harbor fear? What is it we fear? What is the root of the insecurity?

We transfer pain when we feel pain because we feel fear, because of some ecological friction that’s cosmically ordained like moon tides, because it’s time for growth.

The volley of pain is unavoidable. The transition between stagnation and growth is uncomfortable. Again, it’s up to us to decide what is pain, and what is giving the best we can.

Growing is friction – on the emotions, on the bones. Like a sprout from a seed feels friction when it meets the dirt. It is not easy. Birth. Birth is growth. Birthing is pain, but we give it the best we can or there would be no birth, no growth.

In my yoga practice, I’ve felt this most tangibly, learning to sense when my body is close to injury, vs. meeting a challenge; when to push it, and when to hold back.

As physical life mirrors the emotional, the spiritual, and every other “-al”, I can say with certainty that I al-ways feel better about myself and my place in this human ecology when I challenge myself – when I decide, within milliseconds, what is necessary for progress, and that challenging my place, my purpose, recognizing the need for growth sometimes means I challenge the people closest to me. We’re all in this together. Either we evolve or get left behind.

Applying that to matters of the heart means that sometimes people hurt, and sometimes people get left behind. But sometimes the evolution happens simultaneously and love grows, and people come closer together.

The whole point is recognizing when you feel pain, when you are causing pain, actual pain, or if you are doing the best you can -giving your best for them, for you, for all, even if it doesn’t seem like it in the moment. It’s all about intentions. Make sure they are good ones.

Give your best. Pain is part of it, but the end result should always bring us closer to love and wellness.

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Past, Present, Future of Rai.

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Arguably, the most prolific time I had as a songwriter was in 2008 when I moved to Aberdeen, Scotland. I’d gone there to escape from Los Angeles, I’d gone there to discover myself, I’d gone there to work on a vocal/techno project. That project became a battle of the wits, split by creative differences and divergent temperaments. The experience threw me back inside myself. Desperately needing an outlet for my emotions, my Scottish born musical partner made a handful of phone calls to find me a borrowed, broken guitar. It was on that guitar, and in those moments after techno, and wandering the streets of Aberdeen, that I wrote most of the songs that appear on youtube.

 

I often wonder if it was the energy in Aberdeen or the combination of circumstances that led to such a creative outburst. Nevertheless, none of the songs were ever recorded in any other way. I can remember how to play only a few.

As far back as 2004 I was at odds with the songwriter in me, convincing myself that I wasn’t talented, torturing myself through every spell of writer’s block and then, like the clouds parting, every few years would bring a prolific fit of writing after which I’d be standing at the crossroads wondering why I did it, if it was any good, and if it meant I was truly meant to pursue a career in music.

There’s not many who understand the violence of creation – the overflowing love felt while writing and sharing, followed by the dark, deep depletion after the process is through.  The curious part, and most perplexing, is that only in acoustic songwriting did the violence turn to self-destruction.

 

I would argue that I pour just as much of my soul into my long-hand writing, but never have I ventured to masochism after posting a short story, poem, or blog post.

It’s said, music is the soul of the divine. The expression of which taps into god energy, is akin to a religious experience. Acoustic songwriting brought me to that cathartic state, taught me how to get closer to my emotions, to be more comfortable expressing my truths – truths that I continue to explore.

Songwriting seems, for me, to have been a means to an end, and end which I’ve journeyed to fill with spirituality and mysticism in all its forms- the bottom of a purpose I may never find, if not to have found the digging was all I was ever meant to do.

Picking up my guitar and playing for myself or for others still carries that purifying sensation, a highly medicated healing energy even when the song is sad. That’s the part about it I love. The part I hate is that it’s also a quick way to self-loathing and destructive behavior.

Songwriting provokes the dark sides of my nature. Trying to live in the light while giving breathe to darkness is uncomfortable, to say the least.

Maybe it’s that I’ve never reached a place where the songs stopped helping me. Maybe I’m still a novice in the world of helper and healer and need much, much more personal work before I can use these tools to help other people. Maybe I’ve never been great at nurturing the extroverted version of myself. Whatever the case, I’ll listen to the lot of you who care tell me that I shouldn’t stop, that my songs mean much to you.

I guess what I’d say to you is, I’m looking for ways to help and heal that don’t take so much out of me.

All I ever wanted was to understand the inner workings of the world enough to make some sense of the human ecology. With that knowledge, I endeavor to help, heal, and spread love.

So, what do I wish the reader to understand from this post? Allow me to shuffle the cards…

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Three cards: past, present, future.

The Moon can represent a lot of things but here it’s strongly showing the past. The uncertainty of the past is leaving. In the present, the Three of Wands, of which also represents the past, present, and future symbolized by the fact that there are 3 wands. The progression of the vine on the wands helps show this. The figures’ hand is on the newest staff- the future- and he’s got a firm grip on it, a clear sight of what he wants. Those ships in the distance? That’s the goal, and to get there he will use the wisdom embedded in these three staffs, these experiences. The figure isn’t merely waiting, he’s been preparing for this.

In the future comes the careful, meticulous, firm, earthly, dependable, Knight of Coins – one of my favorite Knights because while he may be slow, he’s practical and what he brings is usually something lasting. Like a matured idea, a new business adventure, a turn in career maybe, even someone trustworthy who will help on the journey. Could even mean a venture back to school to further studies in a certain area… whatever the case, the Knight of Coins brings a good, useful, well earned opportunity.

So to the future, I’ve got ideas in my head. Debating if I’m ready to start doing tarot readings or something. There’s a healer in my heart. I’m working on letting her speak.

Talk soon.

 

 

#waswritinguntil…

We’ve all seen (and used if you’re a writer) #amwriting.

Feels good, doesn’t it? Feels forward moving and the perfect affirmation even if, at the moment, you’re staring at the screen waiting for said writing to burst forth with the same fervor as that little hashtag implies.

The night was set up so perfect. You had time, you had energy, you were feeling emotional – you did not have coffee, but the wine was near by and the music was… helping? … Ok, you got a little distracted with the music selecting. But no matter.

You began editing an old piece. There’s a new piece that you’re really proud of, but you sent it to a friend and they mentioned removing the semi colons that you’ve been judiciously dumping on your writing like they belong there. All of them. You knew it was a bad idea, but somewhere in the back of your mind you were like, “semi colons are so undervalued”.

  1. Since you have a soft spot for underdogs, you ran with it. Next time though, you’ll have learned your lesson.
  2. Now the piece needs to be edited – again. Which means, for good measure, maybe you’ll let it sit in a folder and ferment for another month.

So you’re editing the old piece, you sip the wine and sip it again. A few words fall out of your head, but something feels off. You’re not emotionally invested in the piece anymore so you put a new spin on it, a darker one. You’re good at being dark, but dark is easy and you told yourself to stop being so easy.

Not sure you’re on board with your own shift in direction, you stop #amwriting to thumb the phone for a little, take a selfie or two because you need to affirm that it’s not just your disembodied ego sitting here stewing, but the whole body, vanity and all.

You head to social media to embellish the truth around any real progress and productivity, or maybe the photo is now considered progress so that’s cool, and with the social aspect you hope it will incite actual #amwriting because now you’ve called yourself out, now you’ve a responsibility to method act your way back to the #amwriting you’re supposed to be doing.

Photo posted, you tap away at a few more words, delete a few more paragraphs because #icebergtheory – the less you say on the surface, the more meaning lies underneath. Or as Ernest put it,

If a writer of prose knows enough of what he is writing about he may omit things that he knows and the reader, if the writer is writing truly enough, will have a feeling of those things as strongly as though the writer had stated them. The dignity of movement of an ice-berg is due to only one-eighth of it being above water. A writer who omits things because he does not know them only makes hollow places in his writing. –Ernest Hemingway

You bow your inner writer soul to the god that is Hemingway because now you’re giddy over how cutting out half of what you wrote makes for a more weighty piece of writing.

So, OK, but I don’t know, is it done? You re-read over and over again. Seems a bit short. You sip that wine over and over again. Does it say enough? Is it even any good? You check the status of your photo. Only two likes so far. You’ve not convinced anyone, even yourself, that you are indeed #amwriting. Should have been more truthful you think, should have posted #waswritinguntil…

You whip out the tarot deck. Close the computer. The night decays into divination and doubts. You tell yourself you’ll revisit the writing in the morning when you’re feeling less cataclysmic.

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Any of this sound familiar?

More often than not I wish I wasn’t a writer in the digital era where social media is paramount to career survival. That said, my output HAS somewhere to output because of the digital era, but that output has suffered since I was gifted a smart phone.

Blog posts seem doable. Short prose, poems, and stories seem doable. Photos – very doable. Still, it’s hard to focus on the horrible tedium that is, editing when it comes to that expansive book I #waswritinguntil…

Point being, there are ways to keep #amwriting even if you don’t feel that what you are doing can be considered such. Even if what you’re doing isn’t the thing you think you should have been doing. Like, do I really need another blog post when I have a book to edit? The answer is yes, yes I do. Because the point is #practice and #persistence and the only really bad thing a writer can do for themselves is to stop writing.

We’re hard on ourselves, us writers and creatives. I know I am. But I’m getting braver about my writer skin – more confident about what I can and cannot consider real work. You know what I’ve been learning?

  • IF YOU SHOWED UP #amwriting.
  • If you ATTEMPT to work on your craft for hours, even if a few or all of those hours were spent torturing yourself over not working efficiently or brilliantly or whatever #amwriting
  • If all you did was delete 5 sentences and reread the same first paragraph 500 times #amwriting
  • If all you managed to do was open your computer and write, “I can’t think of anything to write” – you know what? #amwriting

What I’m learning is that being a writer is a state of mind. If you never publish a damn word but consider yourself a writer, you’re a writer. So #amwriting your little heart out. Maybe #waswritinguntil… just to keep yourself in check, but above all #dontstopwriting even if the words only live in your mind. They’ll come pouring out eventually. They will because they have to because us writers, we didn’t choose the writing life, the writing life chose us.

Music selection is this gem I found – an artist out of Toronto named verzache. The above track is called “hiccup”, this one here is “juvenescence”. Was listening to his whole soundcloud last night and well… I was blown away.

Thanks for coming to my space and sharing this time with me. I’ll be posting the piece that I was working on last night… the old piece “And So We Did” on Scriggler so you can judge for yourself if it was enough of the iceberg or even any good.

As always, be well, love often, and enjoy.

Routine Maintenance

I’ve been doing this routine where I bike an hour to yoga, practice yoga for an hour, then bike back an hour from yoga. It’s a routine that takes me out of my head, forces me to pay attention as I’m dodging cars and pot holes; forces me to focus on something other than my immediate emotions as I’m stretching this way and that, challenging muscle groups to open and strengthen. Every drop of sweat padding on my rubber mat is a reward – a reminder of the solid foundation that is built upon routines.

I’ve been thinking a lot about routines.

I’ve other routines:

  • Make the bed every morning
  • Wash the sheets on Sunday
  • Clean and organize room before bed and/or before leaving the house
  • Clean dishes immediately after use
  • Get up at 6am every day and write an hour before work…..

Ok, I lied about that last one. However, in front of me is a list. Number 3 on that list is, “come up with a writing routine.” I suppose “up at 6am sharp” might be a good start.

Seems I need routines to normalize parts of my life as we all do, I’m sure. And normally those routines work to get gears turning, forcing us out of stupid habits like NOT performing those routines. We set those routines up for a reason. They need to be there because they work like oil to keep the machine turning.

But today was different. As I biked back from yoga I became frustrated that not once, not in the slightest had I exited my head during the whole 3 hours of the work out. This became most apparent mid yoga session. As my frustration grew to intolerable levels, I found myself holding my breath, resenting my instructor, doubting, cursing, just thinking negatively in all ways possible – totally contradictory to my usual heart-opening, clear-minded post yoga attitude.

Furrowed brow, I road home recklessly, wondering why today the routine had not worked.

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photography by @rustyvaughanyoung follow him on instagram

The head is a complicated place.

Maybe, I thought, to expect to scale the mountain of tumultuous ideas the mind creates with one method, even two or three – is madness.

The thought occurred to me that there is never one way, one solution, one answer to any problem. That a life filled with yoga, tai chi, tap dance, or tarot; boxing, boating, hockey, or horse riding; no amount of praying, painting, volunteering, nor activism can really solve a thing. They are tricks, methods like a magician’s handbook. Their work is an illusion.

The real work it seems, begins and ends in the mind, the heart, the human.

 

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Fitting. I drew the High Priestess and the Queen of Pentacles. Going to do a real simple summation here. The Queen, the one who has it all, the solid earth sign (represented by the pentacle) – sure and content, yet paired with the High Priestess – it’s like she’s wondering why the hell she feels like the usual just isn’t working as usual, why things seem so unsure at the moment. It’s like she’s consulting the High Priestess, like going to confessional, like provoking the deepest parts of herself. It’s like she’s sitting in her castle with all her wealth and being like, yeah but, I’m unhappy. Maybe something needs to budge, something needs to change, but what? Is it me? Is it this castle? Is it my heart? Is there something I’m not admitting to myself? Is there something I’m holding to so tightly that’s keeping me from seeing the truth, or from becoming my true self?

Maybe that’s the conversation we’re all having right now.

But don’t stop, let the frustration be fuel. Mine provoked me to do this post, and I feel great about it. Hadn’t done one in quite some time.

I’m not killing the idea of routines. Routines do help the mind cope, the gears turn, the foundation settle, and the body rest. They do, they most certainly do. But don’t be afraid to change those routines because if they’re no longer working, than the work there is done.

Do a routine maintenance check of your current routines. Change perspectives, alter angles and outlooks. Keep pushing. Fill your bag with tricks.

Choice is what guides us to becoming the best or worst versions of ourselves. We always have the power to choose.

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I don’t have any answers, not at the moment. But I do have thoughts and I hope you appreciated me sharing them.

 

Musical selection is a from a producer I’ve been obsessed with lately – Mark Barrott and his album Sketches From An Island. Love the whole album, but “Go Berri Be Happy” is currently playing while I’m closing this out so – there you have it.

Be well, love often, and enjoy!

The Cup, The Key: The Quiet Act of Knowing

Been a minute since I asked these cards about writing. What I asked is if I posses the skills of a writer, not so much because I believe I don’t, but  I figured if I got some disheartening cards back I may have to re-think what I want this chapter in my life to look like.

What I got was an affirmation of the time – exactly what tarot is, mind you – a window into the tools one has in front of them, the option of energies either to use, or not. For this I turned to my very first tarot deck , The Da Vinci Tarot. Seemed fitting that while revisiting old doubts I summon an old deck, the deck that was with me 2 years ago when on the road writing From The Other Seat, the deck that birthed the idea of incorporating tarot into my blog as a way to lighten the pressure, and to offer fodder as I continued to explore the act of writing.

I still love the dark romanticism these cards evoke. Even on the positively inclined cards the images appear wistful – perfect for the writer’s mind. There’s a seriousness to the tone of this deck, it begs that you consider the balance of light and dark when interpreting the message.

So here’s what turned up. They all popped out on their own in this order: Ten of Chalices, Four of Swords, and the Knave of Chalices.

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As a quick intuitive interpretation, Ten’s are a completion and an end to a cycle. Ten of Chalices says both, yes, you have everything you need, all the passion is there, either you’re nurturing your talents or the energy exists for you to do so. But ten’s are also the end of a cycle, not to say it’s all going to go to shit afterwards, but with every ending, there is a new beginning, and there will be a change, a shift. How have you shaped your perception? How will you have used that nurturing love of, say, a mother and her baby? How will your baby grow?

That question follows into the Four of Swords perfectly because this card signifies a sabbatical, a much needed time out. Swords signify thoughts and assessing what those thoughts mean. The Four of Swords is recharging the batteries and making sure that these thoughts are yours and yours alone. I love how the figure in this image looks entirely confident and totally at peace, as if he’s Siddhartha, having come back from a long walk in the valley you see behind him. He knows the answer, or at least has a sense, he’s got the key there in front of him, but he’s taking his time. There’s no hurry, the journey will continue when the time is right.

Timing is key, for the right thing at the wrong time would no longer be the right thing.

And this is why taking a step aside to make time for inner contemplation is so important. One must cultivate the patience to wait for the right time.

The description in the Da Vinci Tarot reference book calls it “peaceful receptivity”. One must have a clear state of mind before making any decisions on the future, and this card signals a time to calm the mind, to find a quiet place all your own, trust in the process, and be open and objective about the path ahead. The figure in the Four of Swords is receptive enough to adapt to anything that might challenge this sense of peace – he’s found equilibrium or is currently seeking it. He’s not taking advice from others, he’s looking within and collecting his own personal strength. The Four of Swords is one of my favorite cards because it tends to come up when a sabbatical is needed. I love sabbaticals, I just took one actually, so I feel like the card that answers my question, whether I posses the skills of a writer, is the third in this spread.

In the third card, the Knave of Chalices is renewed passion. Knaves, or knights, refer to young energies, sometimes young people. It could be that a young person will inspire you, or that a new burst of inspiration is just in its beginning phase, but the fact is – it’s there. It’s naked, and vulnerable, innocent, wanting; emotions pure and simple, raw and abundant, observing the world in a new way, with new words to color what it sees and feels. It’s love, new love, for a person, for a task, for life… for whatever. Life is presenting this now, or it’s coming very soon.

Mid writing this, I got a call about a job, an editing position. I think the initial phone interview went well. They said they’d follow up next week. Promising.

Almost immediately after, my roommate beckoned me to the kitchen where an owl sat on the window ledge. It flew away and was replaced by a pair of cardinals singing to each other, male and female. Owl omens are usual seen as the harbinger of death, could be a metaphysical one, but with death is renewal. Cardinals are a see as a message that you’ve been visited by Spirit. Knaves, cardnials, cups, and keys – the air is ripe with new love, opportunity, and the support is there from a divine quarter, telling one to keep going.

Anyway, I’ve lost focus, gone off the metaphysical deep end, so I’ll leave this here. Musical selection is The Tallest Man on Earth – The Gardener. His lyrics are wrought with symbols and they really speak to me. Hope this post was interesting in some way. Mostly, if anyone is reading, thank you. Happy to share this space with you.

Be well, love often, and enjoy!

Tattoo these words on your hearts…

… and by the end of this, feel the serenity. Let the love in, let the fears go. Trust.

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I trust my abundant creativity.

I trust the strength that opens and blooms in me when I have to face something.

I believe in myself as a man/woman who handles what comes his/her way today.

I have it in me to rise to a challenge.

I am more and more aware of how I hold fear in my body.

I stop storing fear in my body.

Now I relax those holding places.

I open my body to joy and serenity.

I release my body from the clench of fear.

I relax the part of me that holds fear the most (jaw, shoulders, neck, etc.).

I let go of the stress and tension that come from fear.

I let go of fear-based thoughts.

I let go of basing my decisions on fear.

I stop listening to those who want to import their fears into me.

I let go of finding something to fear in everything.

I let go of fear and fearing and of believing that everything is fearsome.

I am more and more aware of my instant reflex fear reactions.

I am aware that I have habituated myself to a certain level of adrenaline.

I forego this stressful excitement and choose sane and serene liveliness.

I let go of my obsessive thoughts about how the worst may happen.

I trust myself always to find an alternative.

I see the humor in my fears.

I see the humor in my exaggerated reactions to unreal dangers.

I find a humorous dimension in every fear.

I find a humorous response for every fear.

I play with the pain of fear.

I smile at my scared ego with tough love.

I am confident in my ability to deal with situations or people that scare me.

I have self-healing powers -and- I seek and find support outside myself.

I have an enormous capacity for re-building, restoring, transcending.

I am more and more sure of my abilities.

I am less and less scared by what happens, by what has happened, by what will happen.

I trust an uncanny timing that I keep noticing within myself: I love how I
awake or change or resolve or complete at just the right moment.

Nothing forces me; nothing stops me.

I let go of any fear I have of nature.

I let go of my fears of natural disasters.

I let go of my fears of sickness, accident, old age, and death.

I cease being afraid of knowing, having or showing my feelings.

I let go of my fear of failure or of success.

I let go of the fear behind my guilt and shame.

I let go of my fear of aloneness or of time on my hands.

I let go of my fear of abandonment.

I let go of my fear of engulfment.

I let go of my fear of closeness.

I let go of my fear of commitment.

I let go of my fear of being betrayed.

I let go of my fear of being cheated or robbed.

I let go of my fear of any person.

I let go of my fear of loving.

I let go of my fear of being loved.

I let go of the fear that I will lose, lose money, lose face, lose freedom,
lose friends, lose family members, lose respect, lose status, lose my job, lose out.

I let go of my fear of having to grieve.

I keep letting go and I keep going on.

I let go of my paranoia.

I give up my phobic rituals.

I let go of my performance fears.

I let go of my sexual fears.

I let go of fears about my adequacy as a parent or child, as a worker, as a partner, or friend.

I let go of the need to be in control.

I acknowledge control as a mask for my fear.

I let go of my need to be right, to be first, to be perfect.

I let go of my belief that I am entitled to be taken care of.

I let go of my fear of the conditions of existence:

I accept that I may sometimes lose;

I accept that things change and end;

I accept that pain is part of human growth;

I accept that things are not always fair;

I accept that people may lie to me, betray me, or not be loyal to me.

I am flexible enough to accept life as it is, forgiving enough to accept it

as it has been.

I drop the need for or belief in a personal exemption from the conditions

of my existence.

I acknowledge my present predicament as a path.

I trust a design in spite of the display.

I let go of more than any fate can take.

I appreciate all the ways that things work out for me.

I appreciate the graces that everywhere surround and enrich my life.

I find the alternatives that always exist behind the apparent dead-end of fear.

I open myself to the flow of life and people and events.

I am grateful for the love that awaits me everywhere.

I feel deeply loved by many people near and far, living and dead.

I feel loved and watched over by a higher power (God, Universe, etc.).

I believe that I have an important destiny, that I am living in accord with it, and that I will survive to fulfill it.

I let myself have the full measure of: the joy I was meant to feel, the joy of living without fear.

I let fear go and let joy in.

I let fear go and let love in.

I let go of fears and enlarge my sympathies.

I am more and more aware of others’ fears, more and more sensitive to
them, more and more compassionate toward them.

I am more and more acceptant of all kinds of people.

I enlarge my circle of love to include every living being: I show my love.

I am more and more courageous as I live my program for dealing with fear:

I let go of control;

I let the chips fall where they may;

I admit my fear;

I feel my fear by letting it pass through me;

I act as if I were free of fear;

I enjoy the humor in my fears;

I expand my compassion toward myself and everyone.

I have pluck and wit.

I let go of being on the defensive.

I protect myself.

I am non-violent.

I am intrepid under fire.

I am a hero: I live through pain and am transformed by it.

I am undaunted by people or circumstances that may threaten me.

I let people’s attempts to menace me fall flat.

I give up running from threats.

I give up shrinking from a fight.

I show grace under pressure.

I stop running; I stop hiding.

More and more of my fear is becoming healthy excitement.

I meet danger face to face.

I stand up to a fight.

I take the bull by the horns.

I run the gauntlet.

I put my head in the lion’s mouth.

I stick to my guns and hold my fire.

An automatic courage arises in me when I face a threat.

I dare to show myself as I am: afraid and courageous.

I hereby release the courage that has lain hidden within me.

I am thankful for the gift of fortitude.

I let go of hesitation and self-doubt.

I am hardy in the face of fear.

I have grit, stamina, and toughness.

I take risks and always act with responsibility and grace.

I let go of the fear of being different.

I let go of the need to meet others’ expectations.

I cease being intimidated by others’ anger.

I let go of my fear of what may happen if people do not like me.

I let go of my fear of false accusations.

I let go of having to do it his/her/their way.

I acknowledge that behind my exaggerated sense of obligation
is a fear of my own freedom.

I let go of my terror about disapproval, ridicule, or rejection.

I dare to stop auditioning for people’s approval.

I dare to give up my act.

I give up all my poses, pretenses, and posturings.

I dare to be myself.

I acknowledge that behind my fear of self-disclosure is a fear of freedom.

I dare to show my hand, to show my inclinations, to show my enthusiasms.

I let my every word, feeling, and deed reveal me as I truly am.

I love being found out, i.e., caught in the act of being my authentic self.

I explore the farthest reaches of my identity.

I dare to live the life that truly reflects my deepest needs and wishes.

I give up the need to correct people’s impressions of me.

I give up being afraid of my own power.

I am irrepressible.

I draw upon ever-renewing sources of lively energy within me.

I am great-hearted and bold-spirited.

I dare to give of myself unconditionally -and-

I dare to be unconditionally committed to maintaining my own boundaries.

I am open to the grace that shows me the difference.

I fling open the gates of my soul.

I set free my love, till now imprisoned by fear.

I set free my joy, till now imprisoned by fear.

I honor and evoke my animal powers, my human powers, my divine

powers.

I let true love cast out my fear.

As I let go of my fear, I free the world from fear.

May I and all beings be free of fear and full of love.

~ ~ ~

For all that has been: Thanks!
For all that will be: Yes!
–Dag Hammarskjold

~ ~ ~

On Writing: Raising the Dead

tarot, on writing

Last night I pulled the Death card. I’ve been pulling this card a lot these past few weeks, regardless of the question. What this tells me is that there is something divinely connected to this particular time that signifies both a death and a rebirth.

Personally, I love when I draw Death. I can’t help but always focus on the positive aspects of this card. To me, Death is the ultimate creation card. It tells me that there’s something in the womb bubbling with life that couldn’t have been without the death of something else.

While I’m not using a traditional tarot card this week, I think this artwork depicts Death’s meaning really well.

A definite end and a definite beginning, a change that one feels, that can’t be avoided, is here. Embrace it; death to an aspect of you, a phase, a relationship, a project, a period of stagnation has just happened- roll with it. Recognize that what’s  on the other side is the birth of some other seed you’d planted, maybe some intention you set months or years ago that’s coming to fruition, exposing its leafy tips, its plump petals.

In regards to writing, NaNoWriMo started yesterday and for those of us contributing, we’re all in the Death/Rebirth mode, the start of a new phase. Death is here to usher in the new, not to be a guide but rather, a time marker. Note: this is when the death occurred, this is when you made a change, this is when you started that thing that changed the way your future unfolded. This is when you felt death was lurking, this is when you knew life went on. This is your opportunity to start over.

Been listening to “Dust Clears” by Clean Bandit a lot lately. Always have loved the track, but it’s ringing in strong this month for it speaks to death and rebirth. As the lyrics say,

“As the dust clears and it all starts to disappear, it may get harder because you just restarted. And wherever you are, land on another star. It may get harder because you just restarted….”

Death isn’t about to make this transition easy, it’s just cleaning up the shit you knew needed to go anyway. It’s doing you a favor. Life is all about balance. Death is exciting. Death is life, life is death. Change your perspective and you change your future.

Good luck if you’re venturing into NaNoWrimo and as always, be well, love often and enjoy!

Onward! to NaNoWriMo 2016

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Most writers already know, NaNoWriMo is right around the corner. I’ve had a few conversations about this with a friends already. General consensus: we’re all going to attempt it this year, regardless of that other pressing project in the works.

Last year, I completed From the Other Seat for Nano. It was challenging and rewarding and I’m thankful to have done it. This year, I’m still working on From the Other Seat. While I did send it off to an editor I found over at Reedsy and while I’ve been sharing plenty of sample chapters over at Scriggler, with this book in particular, I think the content was, and possibly still is, too close to me to be editing at this juncture. Even though I’ve been editing for a year (jeeze, that sounds bad), in truth I should have followed the advice of Stephen King and stuck it in a drawer for 6 months to 2 years. I didn’t because I didn’t have another project to focus on (which is healthy practice and prevents oneself from getting exhausted by the first book.)

I’m opting to set aside From the Other Seat to participate in Nano this year and I think this will be precisely what the doctor ordered.

Which brings me to this spread. I asked the tarot where I’m at in my writing process. I did a three card spread because I drew The Eight of Swords first. This is where I’m at in the process, for sure, but that’s certainly no solution, so I drew the two others, The Two of Pentacles and The Page of Swords, as clarifiers- and how clear that message became!

It’s helpful to know that swords represent any process of the mind, thoughts and feelings that we internalize, but they also represent communication- writing in particular. They’re usually somewhat negative cards just because, you know, knives are sharp and dangerous. Cutting words, devious and harmful thoughts, cold maneuvers, logical love- these are things swords can represent. (They have good qualities too, depending on the card; bravery or decisiveness, for instance.)

In this case (and I’m strictly consulting my own intuition here) I see The Eight of Swords as me, surrounded by my pages. I’m bound up and I got that blindfold on because, like I said, at this point those pages are too close to me, I can’t see my way through them, I can’t editing my way out of them blind. They’re making me feel stormy and trapped which isn’t helpful to me or the book. So a choice emerges, The Two of Pentacles. I’ve an opportunity to balance the situation, and I’ve got to. Notice the grey sky has turned blue, and that blue is then mirrored in the the tunic of the The Page of Swords who comes rushing in with an exciting new idea, a bold and decisive direction – a youthful one – but fresh, nonetheless.

So there you have it. I will most definitely stick From the Other Seat in a theoretical drawer and rush forward with a new book for National November Writing Month!

What will I be writing about this year? I want to give myself a little more freedom, magic up my environments. I think it will be a love story, it could turn out to be a tragedy, but it will most likely be realistic with an element of magic to blur the lines a bit. Nothing original in that simple description, no. I can think of handful of writers that regularly do this type of writing, but it is my perspective and my writing style that needs to set me apart. I’m thinking of mermaids, longing, new lands, love and loss. I’m thinking, dry indie films and exotic records. I’m thinking of an interview I recently read in Playboy Magazine between James Franco and Maggie Gyllenhall and this bit that I found highly intriguing (quote below):

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Gyllenhaal: An actress said to me two days ago, “I’ve been getting so scared when it comes time for my close-up. I’m paralyzed with fear.” From my objective position, I was like, “You’re playing someone who is acting like they’re comfortable with the wildest sexual encounters. It is so much more interesting if that person sometimes is paralyzed with fear.” I don’t believe in the fantasy person who is totally comfortable with that kind of stuff. Maybe there are a couple of people like that in the world, but I’m not really interested in them. I’m much more interested in the person who acts like they’re comfortable with all those things and then sometimes is paralyzed with fear.

And I’ll leave you with MaJLo “Another Day” mostly because I love this song like it was my own heart beating, but also because he offers another glimpse into the setting of my upcoming NaNoWriMo adventure. MaJLo is based near Gdansk, Poland. That’s all I’m going to say about that.

Be well, love often and enjoy!

Moving on

 

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Robin Wood Tarot: Eight of Cups

This week has been trouble. Progress, none. Seems a stark shift from the energy brought in by the Ace of Pentacles last Wednesday, but a new direction is not without the hard and unpleasant stages. Progress does not come without minor regressions.

Personally, I’ve been wanting to move on from where I’m at; physically, emotionally. Both feel very stagnant, tired, oppressing. Not to be making excuses as to why I’m not working as well as I should or being as productive as I should, but physical and emotional environments play a huge role.

Past hurts and present turmoil are raking at my thoughts, submerging my heart to the point where I cannot feel or function in the present. Living arrangements that aren’t entirely in my control are beating me down. Truly, I feel stuck, mired, yet capable. I very much know I need to move on from a few things so that I may become the best I can be- more creative, more productive, more balanced, more in control of my emotions. More of myself.

When the going gets rough, one simply has to keep moving. And here is the eight of cups to remind to do just that.

The eight of cups can be seen as a dark card. Interesting that the person in this card is depicted leaving under the veil of night, by light of the moon. Whatever situation you may be leaving might be one where others can be feeling a similar hurt. One must leave with stern resolve. Quite possibly, leaving might be safer wrapped under veils, cloaks, at night, in secret, alone. This card supports my need to move on, to abandon, to start over, maybe with a new job, a new city, a new home, a new approach. It’s no coincidence that I’ve been feverishly pursuing all of these things, trying to create a new opportunity.

Look at the way the figure in this drawing is situated where it looks like another cup should be. Leads me to believe that maybe they’re simply leaving on a journey to find that ninth cup. Once we breach into the nine of cups, after all, there are pleasantry’s and enjoyment; a jovial feeling of fulfillment.

In this particular card from The Robin Wood Tarot it depicts a flock of geese flying in a typical V fashion past the moon, heading in the same direction as the cloaked figure. Makes me feel like this “moving on” is a natural reaction to a seasonal or cosmic shift. Because of the geese, I also feel like this card might be telling me to move before winter hits. I feel that to an extreme.

The eight of cups says, karmically, there’s nothing more to gain by staying. There’s a method that’s no longer serving base needs, an emotional state of being that has exhausted the mind and body. I do feel it, I feel exhausted and my work has suffered because of it.

The good news is, the eight of cups is not all doom and gloom. Unlike many cards in the deck, here at least the image depicts movement. Where there is movement there is change.

Poor conditions are temporary. The uncertainty we feel moving away from something or someone familiar is temporary.

If you notice the staff in the figure’s hand you’ll see it’s reminiscent of the suit of wands, as if bravery in a new creative direction is required to make this moving away, this change, successful. The figure is heading away from uncertainty, away from the unstable energies of the moon, water, the emotions; dreams that have no bearing on real life- off to find something consistently true. Truth, like mountains are hard and jagged. That said, what lies ahead of this moving on won’t be an easy road to navigate, but hardship is necessary when lessons need to be learned.

Only in movement can we change a situation for the better. Only with effort can we land on solid ground.

Seen in another way, maybe I need to be less emotional about my writing process, this memoir in general. Maybe when I open up Scrivener with all my new daily fears of inadequacy, maybe I need to be more objective. The entire theme of From the Other Seat is about movement, moving away from a situation; moving in a vehicle, moving over land, travel; both emotional and physical. It’s about ending somewhere true, a position that feels honest and real. In a sense, From the Other Seat is about having too much of a good thing and how in shedding, stripping away, finding that one true thing is more fulfilling than all those other things that we thought we needed.

The eight of cups is about that journey to find the “one true thing”.

Leaving a stagnant situation or starting a day of writing feels to me a similar challenge. The question being, how on earth to begin? Literally, all we’ve got to do is put one leg in front of the other, one word after another. With that small exercise alone, look here, suddenly I have a new blog post. In no time, and with effort, I will have a new home as well, a new job.

I know this will resonate with a lot of you. I hope that you find the strength to leave behind situations of your own that are no longer serving you. Karma has closed that chapter. There’s nothing more for you there.

Here’s to moving on and here’s the mix I was listening to while writing this post. It’s a long, chill, and introspective one to keep you company along your own journey.

Be well, love often and enjoy!

The beginning is the end is the beginning

Ace of Pentacles

This is a blog about my process, my writing, my journey. A journey that’s been wrapped up in music since that long ago day I befriended the poetry of words; words that are so musical and magical to me that I can’t do without them.

My words, my music, and the very fiber of my being have always been guided by a fascination with the stars, the planets, and metaphysical whispers.

In an effort to think of what I could offer a daily blog, how I could share my process, what exactly my process is, I thought of divination. For years, I’ve sought wisdom through astrology, consulted the tarot, and have had many a conversation with the ICHING. These are just things I do. Have I gotten skilled enough to share what I’ve learned? Not exactly, though I have given a few tarot readings to close friends and family and they seemed satisfied. Mainly, I do it for me, a restless spirit always searching, always listening, looking and asking for guidance. I tell my very skeptical family that Spirit is math, just like anything else. It can be measured and weighed in the medium in which it’s revealed. Spirit is an intricate equation that we all tap into, add to, subtract from, transmit and absorb.

Astrology might be the only map one needs to make educated decisions, but other forms of divination like Tarot and ICHING speak to a more fine-tuned need for guidance. Questions like – Where should I go with the next chapter? What is my major conflict? How should the story end? For many of these questions, divination is my guide. It’s something I do to feel grounded; to keep on track. Everyone has their method. I take bike rides, too. Exercise is a form of divination. Exercise could be seen as a practice in becoming one with the divine; to perfect the body, to become powerful,  thereby becoming god-like. But more than the physicality of it, exercise conjures hidden thoughts and ideas. Any form of exercise loosens something in the mind; opens channels more equipt to translate the ethereal.

My writing process is weighted in deep introspection and careful wordplay imbued with the immensity of my feeling. What I put out into the world means a great deal to me and “daily” anything seems… an after thought, frivolous, exhausting. It is exhausting. In the past, I’ve tried this before and exhausted myself with myself. Truth be told, I still have a book to write. Why am I wasting my time and energy on a blog? Modern day publishing is the real answer; the need to have an online presence. But there is something about pushing oneself to share, daily. There is value. Typing this first post does, in a small way, makes the journey more real, less inside my head. I have shared it, therefore, it is fact.

How fitting then, for me to draw this first card for this first post, the Ace of Pentacles.

First a word about Aces in a reading: “The Ace is the dominant type of card and pulsates its energy over the whole reading. While most cards tell your story of when their impact was felt, is being felt or will be felt in the future, any Ace describes the whole story and is present in each chapter.” keen.com

While the Ace of Pentacles has a variety of dynamics, pertaining to this post one the resonates with me the most is that it is a card of results. Pentacles represent the earth, money matters, things that ground you, can stagnate or stabilize. It is a powerful card that asks to mediate on your roots, “firmly plant yourself back on your path in order to see your result realized as you desire… what you are ultimately attaining.” auntyflo.com

It is a card that begs you to focus on the foundation, keep a schedule, generate results. This can carry over to health, business, love. In this case, I think of this blog, this book I’m writing. There is a definite need for a schedule, a focused effort to stay on task. If I can do that, I will finish. The Ace of Pentacles assures that- that there is the energy there to finish. The Ace of Pentacles is a new beginning or at least a refreshed approach. It reminds me that this is a productive period, saving for the future, good fortune. It represents stamina, dedication, and hard work. While all these things come hard for me, the Ace of Pentacles is here to tell me it’s not impossible, it just takes a bit of effort.

With that, here is a bit of music I’ve been listening to while writing. Chroma Bay, a trio from London. What I like about them is that this is their first released track and fits in great with the energy of the Ace of Pentacles. A great reminder that whatever we dream, it certainly may seem impossible, but with a little love, a little hope, a lot of effort and a little magic, amazing things can come of it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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