am writing

Tag: lifestyle

Becoming “Mom”, a preface.


You know you’ve settled into mom-hood when your outfits revolve around cleverly camouflaged milk stained tank tops. When, like me, you may have graduated to taking your coffee with breastfeeding. And, to the minor horror of on lookers, you’ve got into the habit of picking baby up like a big kid. You’re not as careful with that floppy head as you were 7 weeks prior. Not because you are a cruel and brutish person, but because, by now, you know your baby. You know that little neck has more strength than they assume… granted, less strength than you assume, but… point is, you’re pretty comfortable with what your baby can and can’t handle, which is GREAT because those new baby jitters paired with clumsy hands and the feeling like their tiny bodies are made of jelly filled rice paper was mad stressful. She won’t ooze all over the place, her head WON’T fall off, her fingers will not break when touched – truth.

Likewise, you’ve stopped gingerly dabbing her bottom. Now, you full on scrub and polish that cute butt to a silky sheen. Doubling your enjoyment, at nearly 2 months baby has stopped screaming her head off with every diaper change. She may scream about other things, more ambiguous things like whether or not your boobs produce milk exactly to her liking, but you’ve stopped crying along with her when said screaming occurs. Besides, that screaming isn’t all that bad anyway, keeps you on your toes. Anxiety may still threaten, but to a way lesser degree. After all, our generation is pretty lucky, answers and reassurance are only a click away – why does baby shoot poop when sneeze…” Chances are, all your worries, all your questions, are totally normal baby things.


Speaking of baby things, writing has become a luxury these days, and duty calls, it’s calling from the living room – her name is Finn Lee Marchwinski, born February 27th at 3:31 am. (for my fellow natal chart nerds she’s Sagittarius rising, Pisces Sun, and Sagittarius moon. Saturn, Venus, and Pluto are in her first house – the house of identity. Her midheaven is in Libra.). She’s 2 months old, 2 feet long, and weighs 11lbs 4 oz. She’s irresistibly cute, has the prettiest eyes, and presence enough to captivate a room. She is, in every way, shape, and form, the best gift that’s ever happened into my life next to my best friend/ husband, Daniel.

I have so much more to say about her, and life, parenting, and oh… still need to record my labor story… but… I’ll get there. If I don’t post this now, I never will.

Until next blog! – R

Simple Ideas on Love and Pain

It’s up to us to decide what is pain,

And what is giving the best we can.

I learned that today in yoga. Two months ago that truism may not have struck me as profound, but today it did.

Maybe because I drove to class thinking about pain. About how when we love someone, really love someone, we never want to hurt them – but sometimes we do.

Why do we transfer pain? Can pain generate on its own like rogue cellular mutations? Is it planetary friction that sparks a fight in us? Is it because we harbor fear? What is it we fear? What is the root of the insecurity?

We transfer pain when we feel pain because we feel fear, because of some ecological friction that’s cosmically ordained like moon tides, because it’s time for growth.

The volley of pain is unavoidable. The transition between stagnation and growth is uncomfortable. Again, it’s up to us to decide what is pain, and what is giving the best we can.

Growing is friction – on the emotions, on the bones. Like a sprout from a seed feels friction when it meets the dirt. It is not easy. Birth. Birth is growth. Birthing is pain, but we give it the best we can or there would be no birth, no growth.

In my yoga practice, I’ve felt this most tangibly, learning to sense when my body is close to injury, vs. meeting a challenge; when to push it, and when to hold back.

As physical life mirrors the emotional, the spiritual, and every other “-al”, I can say with certainty that I al-ways feel better about myself and my place in this human ecology when I challenge myself – when I decide, within milliseconds, what is necessary for progress, and that challenging my place, my purpose, recognizing the need for growth sometimes means I challenge the people closest to me. We’re all in this together. Either we evolve or get left behind.

Applying that to matters of the heart means that sometimes people hurt, and sometimes people get left behind. But sometimes the evolution happens simultaneously and love grows, and people come closer together.

The whole point is recognizing when you feel pain, when you are causing pain, actual pain, or if you are doing the best you can -giving your best for them, for you, for all, even if it doesn’t seem like it in the moment. It’s all about intentions. Make sure they are good ones.

Give your best. Pain is part of it, but the end result should always bring us closer to love and wellness.




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